I need to type…


I am not sure what I want to write about right now, but I want to write. I worked all day and today was payday so it felt like a Friday but it isn’t…its Tuesday…still. Anyway, I got paid today (yay!) and after paying bills I have a little over $200.00 left to my name until next pay day.

How am I in my mid 30’s and still living paycheck to paycheck?!

I know my mom would probably say that I need to live within my means and make a budget.

My dad would probably complain about the system and how the sperm donor needs to step up to the plate.

My brother would probably encourage some type of hustle or tell me to hold a sign up on the corner asking for spare change.

My sister would probably try to find a way to make money by opening some type of small business on the side like a co-op or selling something that is trending with the ladies right now.

I have thought of ways to make ends meet throughout the years. Yes, I do borrow sometimes, but that is usually only if I have exhausted all other avenues. I am so glad I don’t have to pay child care anymore. That is expensive! I think it sucks to have to pay someone an arm and a leg for them to be with your child all day. That is like rubbing salt in the wounds. I don’t get to be with my kid all day, because I have to work to barely make ends meet and then pay a person to get to “raise” my kid all day. Not fair.

I don’t know why I do paragraphs to start new thoughts. Technically there should be a lot more paragraphs since my thoughts blend from one to the next. Like I was saying, I have thought of lots of ideas to make extra money. Like selling old clothing and belongings like books and kids toys. At some point you run out of stuff to sell though. Then, you have to get creative on saving the little bit of money you have left. Go to Farmer’s Markets and cheap grocery stores to buy staple foods that are versatile like bread, eggs, milk, tuna, cheese, oatmeal, etc.

I do try to remember that I used to be worse off financially. I also have to remind myself that it could always be worse and there is always someone out there who has it worse than me. I have to remind myself of all the blessings I have in my life.

Thank God I have a job. At least I have some money and at least my bills are paid. At least I have a roof over my head and food and a car that runs. At least I have family who does let me borrow money for gas and food.

I am also working HARD towards getting a promotion. I have an excellent work ethic and motivation to always move forward in the workplace. I am extremely competitive and am always looking for ways to further my skills and learn new ones. I am always thinking several steps ahead.

Someday, I hope Abigail and I have a house. We always talk about “when we have a house” and “when we have more money.” There is a list of things we want to do. But we need to remind ourselves to stay in the present moment. I don’t spend time regretting or dwelling in the past moments. I used to spend a lot of time thinking into the future moments, some that may never happen. I think about what could happen and then try to prevent bad things from happening. I overthink and over analyze things until I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. My therapist said that isn’t productive or good for my health since I am basically putting myself through the event even if it never happens. My body and mind has already suffered the toll.

So for now, I need to focus on my blessings. Enjoy these moments. These present moments. It really helps you appreciate when things get even better than they are already.



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